“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.”
– Sonya Friedman


"My role growing up was the peacekeeper. My home was stressful, and putting out fires was the only way I could feel seen and like I had a modicum of control amid the emotional pandemonium. When my parents fought, I would put on improvised performances or fashion shows in our living room to try to distract them. Fussing over narcissistic people was how I kept in their good graces and how I felt safe. Worrying about other people's problems (or perceived problems) was a habit I developed very early on. It worked as a child, but once I grew up, this coping device was a weapon I kept using even though I was no longer at war. "

ComedianWhitney Cummings: "Miss Codependence" from Lenny

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice–

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

‘Mend my life!’

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognised as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do–

determined to save

the only life you could save.

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